I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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