Kareoke will never be a sober sport
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
