sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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