Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
