dude i'm inner monologue high
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
