I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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