I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
