you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
