Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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