Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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