My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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