I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
