not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
