I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
