We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
