I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
