The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
