dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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