god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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