I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
