just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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