tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize