I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
