Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
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