I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
