I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
