these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
