yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
