In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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