9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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