So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
