how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
