So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She told me I should be a condom model.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
