I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
