i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
