just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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