I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
