I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
