Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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