my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
