I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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