Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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