i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize