just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
