dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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