Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
