I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
organizing the empties. That sober.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
