I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
