I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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