they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I love having hate sex.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
