just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize