i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
