My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize