Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
