i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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