nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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