he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
