whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
