i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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