now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
