yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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