dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
