Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
