So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just invented taco cereal.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
