I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
