i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
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