You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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