I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
