What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
