The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
