I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
