I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
