he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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