I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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