no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize